How to choose a direction

The trick is to imagine that your leap of faith paid off. What does your life look like? Do you like it?

So from 2019 to recently I’ve been designing and developing this indie FPS called Glitch Arena. The whole process has been a labour of love and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. There’s something about game dev and how it forces you to think creatively and technically and artistically all at once. It was full brain activation and I really got off on this – It got me out of bed early and kept me up late at night. It’s also a satisfying project because it’s actually good – I play this game all the time with a buddy and we like it better than anything else in the genre – which is totally why we made it in the first place.

My game dev buddy is planning to make a single player game and of course I’m keen to help. I even sold a camera (the world’s favourite camera) in order to buy a new PC – I needed one for Glitch Arena anyway. But my friend’s project is stalling a little- he’s still working out the details and he has his own life to deal with.

Now comes the time I need some money for something I’m currently doing, and I start thinking if I really want to keep going in game dev. Because if not, I should sell that computer and use it for some things I need for what I’m currently focussing on (Creative [Lost] Souls, whatever that is). My indie game is pretty much finished, or as far as I can take it, and starting something else would require huge time commitment.

The issue is I have a string of unprofitable ventures behind me and the next things I start, while I can’t guarantee will work financially, will have to be make or break – all in. There will be no quitting, even if I keep them going until I die without results. Because you simply don’t know when you’ll start making an impact , and if you quit, you’ll never know. and I’ve quit too many things.

So the question is really – is game dev my best bet? Is it going to be THE ONLY thing I do for ten years? What else might be? These are huge questions but they’re important ones to ask before starting something new.

The trick is to imagine that your leap of faith paid off. What does your life look like? Do you like it?

The funny thing is when I imagine this with game dev, I actually really like it. I enjoy making games, much more than playing them even (it does worry me that I don’t play many games and therefore wouldn’t be as literate as I should be in the genres). I feel like it would scale well into the future, leaving me in a very creatively fulfilling position. I’m wondering if that should be my creative practice. But these are huge endeavours, and although I can manage most of the work myself, there will be a need to employ skill, and right now, I’m not in a position for that.

Sigh. Everything is a risk and nothing is clear. See my previous posts/s on being multiplipotentialite/fucked.