if everything feels like a waste of time

if everything feels like a waste of time

Summary

Money stress makes all time feel wasted, causing pressure and futility, leading to time anxiety and numbness that worsens with age. I feel guilty for relaxing, demotivated by hopelessness, and anxious about limited time, creating frustration. I'm trying low-pressure experiments, device-free outings, meditation, deep breathing, and garden tea breaks to cope.
😎🔥🧠💥

Takeaway actions

  • Engage in low-stakes, curiosity-driven experiments to foster a sense of productive activity without high pressure.
  • Schedule forced outings without devices to encourage mindful engagement with the surroundings and reduce feelings of isolation.
  • Incorporate regular meditation and deep breathing exercises to alleviate anxiety related to perceived wasted time and promote relaxation.

Sometimes I really get in a rut. I bit off more than I could chew with a mortgage, so even with my full time job I’m always running out of money and feeling stressed about it.

It makes everything feels like a waste of time, because if I’m not being productive, it’s a missed opportunity to further my cause; and if I’m being productive, it still feels like a waste because I can’t see myself getting anywhere.

So there’s all these pressure to be productive and simultaneously a feeling that efforts won’t lead anywhere. I’m not an anxious person but the anxiety around wasting time is as close as I get.

The older I get the worse this gets, because although I still feel strong and capable, rationally I know the I have less time to work with every day.

And every day I feel numb to my own life.

Let’s delve deeper into how these interconnected feelings might manifest:

  • The Weight of “Should”: The feeling that you should constantly be doing things that lead somewhere can create immense internal pressure. This might manifest as guilt or unease when engaging in activities that bring immediate joy but don’t have a clear financial or upward trajectory. It’s like there’s an invisible ledger where every moment must be accounted for in terms of its potential to alleviate poverty.

  • The Shadow of Hopelessness: The belief that your actions will ultimately be futile can be incredibly demotivating. It’s like trying to run in quicksand – the effort is immense, but there’s a sense of being stuck or even sinking. This can lead to a reluctance to even start potentially beneficial activities, as the anticipated disappointment overshadows any hope of success.

  • Time as a Precious Commodity (and a Source of Anxiety): When resources are scarce, time can feel like the only truly finite resource you have control over. This can lead to a heightened awareness of how it’s spent and a deep anxiety about “wasting” it on things that don’t directly address the urgent needs of poverty. This anxiety can paradoxically make it harder to relax, recharge, and engage in activities that could indirectly improve your situation, such as learning new skills.

The interplay of these feelings creates a powerful and often paralyzing cycle. The pressure to be productive is undermined by the belief that efforts are futile, leading to anxiety about wasted time and a deep frustration with systemic barriers.

So that’s a decent explanation of the issues, but what can I do? Seem like there’s no way out of this. I just try to push through and do things, and try to make the things I do make sense and relate to each other so I can gather some momentum.

Here are some ideas I want to invest in

  • low stakes, curiosity driven “productivity,” in the form of experiments.
  • Forced outings away from devices. Take a camera, take a dog, look at the world and smile (I will do this this afternoon and update this post with proof).
  • Meditation (I know how and like it but I don’t to it for the ‘waste of time’ reason explained above).
  • Breathing, slow and deep.
  • Cups of tea in the garden. I used to smoke, and it was great for a forced time out. Maybe I need something similar.