Seeking Deeper Engagement
Ever got a win and it didn’t feel as good as you thought? Or what came after was worse than what came before?
What if you’re succeeding at the wrong thing?
For those whose minds thrive on exploration and diverse interests, the standard success model can be stifling. Environments demanding conformity can suppress curiosity and experimentation. Fitting unconventional thinking into a narrow “success” definition often fails to leverage unique strengths.
Society often champions quantifiable “success” – titles, income, awards. These offer tangible proof of progress. However, this focus traps us in a restrictive mindset: success versus failure. You’re either winning or losing, passing or failing, with little room for nuance.
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.” – Carl Rogers
The Struggle for Alignment
This black-and-white thinking creates immense pressure. It fuels a constant drive for the next victory, haunted by the fear of perceived failure. Valuable learning and growth during the process are disregarded. This mindset makes us risk-averse, hesitant to explore without a guaranteed “success” label.
Even achieving external “success” can lead to the hedonic treadmill. The brief high fades, the new status quo becomes normal, demanding an even bigger achievement for the same satisfaction. It’s an exhausting cycle. So yeah, kind of like a drug. You make more, you spend more, the more tied you are to this life.
I don’t hate money, but I acknowledge we all need actual success. I’m not saying “don’t be successful,” but for some, like me, success is elusive without fulfilment.
Embracing a Fulfilling Journey
Thriving isn’t a destination; it’s about your state of being during the journey. It includes vitality, learning, connections, purpose, and genuine engagement. It’s about building a rewarding way of living and working. Alignment becomes crucial. It means choosing actions and goals that resonate with your values and interests.
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”– Mihály Csíkszentmihályi
When you know the direction and optimise the actions for fulfilment, you’re also building momentum that can last even when the goalposts move.
Insights form psychology support this. Self-Determination Theory highlights autonomy, competence, and relatedness as fundamental needs for well-being. Meeting these fosters intrinsic motivation, more durable than external validation. This relates to eudaimonia, or “human flourishing,” living purposefully and realizing potential. Challenges become growth opportunities, not just failures.
Finding Personal Meaning
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” – Pablo Picasso
Aiming for fulfillment builds resilience. Self-worth isn’t tied to outcomes but to the ongoing experience of meaningful engagement. Challenges become learning opportunities. The journey itself provides motivation.
For many like me, optimising for fulfilment will bring higher chances of “success,” for these reasons. Autonomy, variety, and purpose are often essential for engagement for non-typical, creative types.
My core motivation is to offer hope and enthusiasm. It’s to show that redesigning your life is possible, moving beyond chasing external success and fearing failure. You can choose a path guided by alignment, focusing on what energizes you, building an authentic and meaningful life from within. Let’s focus on thriving. That feels far more rewarding and sustainable.